All's fair in love and work
Sometimes 'PDA' doesn't mean 'Blackberry'. What guidance should you give to people getting smoochy at work?Last year, United Nations figures revealed that a quarter of British workers spend at least 48 hours at work each week. It’s no surprise, then, that 30 per cent of relationships start there.
In the past, many employers frowned on colleagues becoming couples, thinking such distractions might result in disruption.
But in today’s environment, work is stressful enough. So perhaps we shouldn’t be too prescriptive, and take a common sense approach?
First, some tips for HR and line managers who find themselves caught in the crossfire of Cupid’s arrows.
- Keep your nose out. Your staff should know what’s expected of them. If their work deteriorates because of lovesickness, address the issue in the same way you would any performance issue.
- Two’s company, three’s a crowd. Don’t expect employees to alert you to a first date – first dates are nerve-shredding enough without involving HR or the boss. If you really want to know if employees are in a relationship, let everyone know at what stage they must alert you.
- Vertical vs. horizontal. Understand the hierarchy of the relationship. Have clear guidelines as to what happens if one person in the relationship is more senior or manages the other person. For example, the manager might have to move to another department.
- Colleague counsellor. Don’t gossip or become an agony aunt. If you are alerted to an office romance, don’t discuss it with anyone else. And just because you’re aware of the relationship, it doesn’t mean the couple should turn to you for counselling.
- Heartbreak hotel. Have in place procedures that you can follow should an office romance turn sour and make sure that all staff know what these are. They need to be aware of the consequences before they make the decision to get involved.
And some tips if an employee does ask you for advice – or if you find yourself getting cosy with someone from a nearby pod.
- Is it lust or love? Familiarity breeds positive feelings. Ask yourself – are you finding this person more attractive just because you spend so much time together? Don’t let a little late night working closeness cloud your judgement – think about what happens once the lust dust wears off. Keep it discreet whilst you work out your feelings for each other.
- Know the rules. Think before you jump in. Does your organisation have policies in place about workplace romances? Most will have something to say on the subject – even if it is as simple as we expect you to behave like adults and continue to undertake your work without disturbing your colleagues. Claiming that you didn’t know it wasn’t allowed will be no defence when one of you is moved or asked to leave.
- Don’t let it affect your work. You might want to shout your love from the rooftops, but keep it under wraps and continue to deliver your work in the usual professional manner. If you decide to go public later, at least you’ll have demonstrated to your peers that you are a professional, and given your boss no reason to worry.
- No PDA please. Public displays of affection might be very good for reminding your lover of your feelings – but your colleagues don’t want to see them. It isn’t cute and it isn’t professional. Remember where you are and work hard to keep your private and work lives separate.
- You’re the boss. Dating a subordinate can be very tricky. Some might see it as you taking advantage, whilst others might think the subordinate is trying to work their way up the ladder. Consider carefully any decision you make about your lover/subordinate and be as transparent as possible about why you’ve made it.
- It’s all gone wrong. We have to kiss a lot of frogs to find our prince, or so the story goes. The chances that a workplace romance can go off the boil or even turn sour are very real. Set out the ground rules in advance about what happens should you break up, then try to behave like adults and stick to the rules.
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