Bond villains
Morris dancing, stand-up comedy, school sports – check out some of the more extreme team bonding eventsThere’s a very fine line between enforced fun and valuable team building exercises. And striking the right balance can be tricky. Which is why we’ve put together this handy guide to structured team bonding activities, along with a list covering the best of the rest.
Fragrance creation
What the blurb says:
Every smell is said to represent a set of characteristics, after sampling 18 different blends sourced from the finest ingredients in the world, your perfume consultant will inform the group on what those smells say about you. Will you show yourself to be high maintenance, a free spirit, sensual or trustworthy; highly entertaining and bound to bring a few surprises!
http://www.chillisauce.co.uk/corporate-events/fragrance-creation/
If it all goes right: No one reveals themselves to be high maintenance, and the characteristics selected by the perfume consultant are the perfect match for each and every member of the team. The creative ideas person from marketing is a free spirit, the company accountant is trustworthy and yes, someone has a job where being sensual is a real asset. Your own fragrance shows that you’re nothing short of amazing.
If it all goes wrong: Your fragrance reveals you to be self-centred, mean-spirited and high maintenance – you dab some on to your skin to show that you’re taking all of this in good humour, only to find that the stuff stinks and won’t wash off. Not that day. The day after. Or for weeks to come. Reminding everyone of the unflattering qualities that bore no resemblance to the real you, and that were attributed to you purely because you picked out some random smells in order to bond with the team. Worse still, no one else can stand the smell either, and you find yourself shunned and isolated and wishing you’d never, ever entered into the murky world of corporate team building.
Duck herding
What the blurb says:
Our real life shepherd will give you all the vital skills to enable you to control a flock of geese, as well as plenty of fascinating background knowledge and information.
http://www.teambuilding.co.uk/duck-herding-team-building-outdoor.html
If it all goes right: The real life shepherd does all the work for you meaning you can get down to the Dog & Duck for an early lunch and some proper team bonding over a pint or three. The real life shepherd has another group coming along straight after yours, so unfortunately he can’t join you at the pub to bore, ahem, regale you all with his fascinating background knowledge and information.
If it all goes wrong: We wouldn’t fancy being herded around our own back yard by a team of people who know nothing at all about us and are only doing it so they can bond with each other, and not with us. And when it comes to fiery tempers, geese have to be right up there with Russell Crowe and Naomi Campbell. (This is no doubt why the organisers refer to geese herding as duck herding, until you read the small print.) With this in mind, things take a nasty turn at your carefully planned event when our feathered frenemies decide it’s time to fight back.
Stand up comedy
What the blurb says:
Stand-up comedy performance can provide your team not only with unique team bonding experience, but with additional skills that can be used throughout corporate presentations, and interaction with colleagues.
http://www.laughinghorsecomedy.co.uk/comedy/coursescorporate.asp
If it all goes right: Your team is so naturally outgoing, witty and up for a laugh, that no one finds the whole thing toe-curlingly embarrassing or ends up suffering from a stage-fright induced panic attack. And because everyone is mildly amusing when they take to the mic, people politely laugh in all the right places. Meanwhile, you discover that you’re a comedy genius who’s wasted in HR. A sell-out world tour ensues, followed by a chart-topping DVD and an autobiography released just in time for Christmas. You never speak to anyone from the team again, but at least they got to spend some precious time with you before you were famous.
If it all goes wrong: Where to start? At the event itself, a self-proclaimed comedian from senior management takes to the stage to deliver a brand of humour that would make a third-rate stand-up act from the 1970s look politically correct. There are tears. And they’re not tears of laughter. Then you get back to work to find that everyone is using their new-found comedy skills ‘throughout corporate presentations, and interactions with colleagues’. You’re faced with an office full of David Brents. Wisecracks, bad puns and cringe-worthy innuendos are dropped into every conversation, team mates keep trying to out-practical-joke each other, and any emails sent out minus the obligatory hilarious anecdote simply don’t get read.
Morris dancing
What the blurb says:
Get the spring back into your step with our Morris Dancing or traditional dance workshops. This unique activity provides teams with their very own Morris dancing masterclass, complete with an instructor, live musician, and a selection of traditional handkerchiefs, bells and sticks to get everyone involved in the action.
http://adayinthecountry.co.uk/morris-dancing-masterclass/
If it all goes right: Morris dancing dates all the way back to 1448. That means it’s survived for 566 years. So it must have something going for it. In fact, if our ancestors hadn’t bonded over foot ups, plain capers and double steps, we’re pretty sure that the UK’s team-orientated office culture wouldn’t be what it is today. So your team not only have fun and bond like never before, they also get the satisfaction that comes from playing their own small part in keeping this ancient team building exercise alive. Meanwhile, because you have such a flair for the Morris dance moves, you’re asked to headline at country fairs up and down the country.
If it all goes wrong: Everyone hastily cobbles together a rubbish excuse in response to your ‘We’re all going to bond over a spot of Morris dancing’ email. Which unfortunately means you have to threaten them with disciplinary action if they don’t provide hard evidence showing that they cannot possibly attend. Which of course, no one can do. This means you’re faced with a very reluctant set of team bonders on the day, and asking them to tuck their trousers into their socks and wave a handkerchief around does not go down well. Things look up when they’re issued with their sticks though (at which point you wisely decide to make yourself scarce, just in case).
School sports day
What the blurb says:
The Team School Sports Day is a nonstop hilarious and nostalgic event that takes you back to your childhood days of the annual school sports event! Not only is the School Sports Day team event seriously competitive but it releases a huge amount of team spirit and camaraderie that puts you all on the same level and generates nonstop laughter!
http://www.seriouslycoolevents.com/land_based&team_building/school_sports_days.htm
If it all goes right: You are the proud organiser of a nonstop hilarious and nostalgic event that generates nonstop laughter. In amongst the nonstop hilarity and laughter (no, we’re not trying to claim that they’re overstating the nonstop hilarity and laughter), there’ll be some healthy competition in the sack race, no one will break their ankle in the three-legged race and the boss won’t get sent to the naughty table (which is included). (The naughty table is only included so the boss can be sent to the naughty table to prove to everyone else what a jolly good sport they are.) And you win the egg and spoon race with a superfast time that makes all those bad memories of being last to be picked in P.E. a distant memory.
If it all goes wrong: No one finds it hilarious. In fact, there is no laughter, of any variety. And it turns out that most people in the team hated school sports day, leaving them with no sense of nostalgia, just a sense of impending doom. The sack race turns into a brawl, three people suffer nasty sprains in the three-legged race, and the boss is sent to the naughty table so that they can prove to everyone else what a jolly good sport they are. Only you forgot to mention to the boss that this would be happening, leaving them feeling resentful and angry that they won’t get to demonstrate their egg and spoon prowess to the rest of the team. It is duly noted by said boss that in their enforced absence, you win the egg and spoon race, which means you’ve also just lost out on that promotion you’d been promised. Other than that, it’s all a great success.
The best of the rest
Roll-up, roll-up – it’s circus skills: http://www.nationalcircus.org.uk/experience-circus/teambuilding-workshops
Food brings people together (that’s what they keep telling us on MasterChef anyway). So why not dig into a cookery-based team building challenge? http://www.foodatwork.co.uk/
Stand-up comedy may be full of pitfalls, but could improv be an improvement? http://www.corporatecomedyevents.co.uk/corporate-training.htm
Goodbye day job; hello Italian Job: http://www.emg.co.uk/events/the-italian-job/
Let’s hope this event will live up to its billing: http://www.itsaknockout.net/its-a-knockout-team-building.htm
Why just bond when you can bond and create some avant garde artworks for the office? http://www.paintjamlondon.co.uk/
Want to keep everyone on the same hymn sheet? This goes one better and turns the team into a symphony orchestra: http://www.catalystteambuilding.co.uk/events/details/80/orchestrate/music-rhythm-activities
Wild accusations. Festering suspicions. And all-round mistrust. If that sounds like your team, maybe everyone will feel at home with a good old murder mystery? http://www.mayhem.org.uk/
Some ill-informed people think team building events are all about horsing around. Oh, this one is: http://www.learningtolisten.co.uk/
If your team is very small, this room escape game is a lot of fun: http://hinthunt.co.uk/
We all watch CSI and think we could do better. Or is that just us? Either way, this is a chance to put your Crime Scene Investigation skills to the test: http://rightangleevents.co.uk/events/2/the-killed?gclid=CImng8qKs70CFUjItAodClMAsQ
Abracadabra, everyone has bonded like never before. It’s a magic-themed workshop: http://magicians.co.uk/team-building.html
Fancy rolling around in a foam-filled, vinyl sumo suit? Not even in the name of team bonding? Well, here’s the URL anyway: http://www.sumoexperience.co.uk/welcome_corp.htm
If all of this seems a little tame, how about snake handling and jumping across rooftops? http://www.experiencemore.co.uk/extremecityexperience.html
The name says it all. Go ape: http://goape.co.uk/events/corporate
Hands up everyone who’s been dying to give a bushtucker trial a go. No one? You might not fancy this I’m a Celebrity-themed team building event then: http://www.acfteambuilding.co.uk/team-building/themes/Get_Me_Outta_Here/
It’s run by the same company, so how about a little military reconnaissance work instead of bugs and critters? http://www.acfteambuilding.co.uk/team-building/themes/Bravo_Three_%20Zero/
Finally, if you think we sometimes have a tendency to take team building to extremes, pity the poor people in Japan where getting naked with the boss can be all in a day’s work. We’re all for a bit of naked ambition at work, but there are limits.
About the author
