How Grinchy are you?

To everyone else, it’s a time of goodwill to all men and joy spent in the company of family and friends. But to us in HR, it’s a diversity nightmare guaranteed to bring personal injury claims, harassment cases, arguments about holidays and junior executives bawling drunkenly in toilets with broken photocopier glass stuck to their bottoms. But just how heavily will you come down on this so-called ‘festival’? Our quiz reveals all.

 1. What’s on the walls of the office this Christmas?

a) Tinsel, streamers, advent calendars – the whole shebang

b) Maybe a few cards from suppliers, just to brighten the place up

c) A big sign in block capitals telling people that all forms of jollity are prohibited by Health and Safety regulations and will be punished by dismissal effective immediately

2. What will you hang on the tree by the office gates?

a) Lots of candy canes and chocolates, so the neighbourhood kids can help themselves

b) A modest, stylish set of Christmas lights

c) Any employee foolish enough to wear a festive jumper

3. What kind of Christmas party are you throwing?

a) A big one at a grand hotel – we’ve done well this year and want to thank the staff

b) Smaller, departmental parties at management’s discretion ­– we’re keen to control costs, and Christmas isn’t to everyone’s taste

c) Instead of a party we’re all meeting in a training room to workshop some new company values. The money we save will be used to increase shareholder dividends

4. Which of these verses are you most likely to put in your card to your employees?

a) May all the sweet magic of Christmas conspire/To gladden your heart and fill every desire

b) We thought we’d write a modest rhyme/To wish you well at Christmas time

c) Be at your desk on Boxing Day Morning/Or you’ll get a written warning

5. What would you like your staff to be singing in the corridors?

a) Christmas carols

b) The X Factor winner’s single

c) The praises of your new self-service career development matrix

6. What will be in the crackers at the office Christmas dinner?

a) Decent presents, such as watches, cosmetics and whisky miniatures. We see it as a recognition opportunity

b) Modest presents such as tiny screwdrivers, fortune-telling fish and wire puzzles. We don’t want to go overboard

c) A rolled up P45 and a map showing the way to the local job centre. Those layabouts should be in the office working

7. Who have you booked for the after dinner show?

a) Ant and Dec

b) Cannon and Ball

c) Saville and Holdsworth

8. What would you most like to see in the sky over the office?

a) Santa’s sleigh, taking presents to all the world’s children

b) Snow clouds, promising innocent fun for all the family

c) An AH-64D Apache Longbow attack helicopter with machine guns and guided missiles for taking out employees who have broken the rules by knocking off early to take soup to the homeless

9. Which of these types of headgear do you encourage your managers to wear over the festive season?

a)

b)

c)

10. Finally, complete the following phrase: ‘All I want for Christmas is…’

a) You

b) My own front teeth

c) No adverse impact on Q4 productivity

How did you answer?

Mostly As

Wow! Your organisation really loves Christmas. We bet that right now you’re sitting at your desk with tinsel in your hair and Slade in your headphones. Have a glass of sherry, a big mince pie and congratulate yourself.

Mostly Bs

Your organisation has a nicely moderate approach to Christmas – enthusiastic, but also appreciative of diversity and commercial considerations. You’ve struck a good balance, and should be commended for your restraint.

Mostly Cs

You are a miserable Scrooge, and you and your organisation are squeezing all the joy out of life. We can only hope that when you crawl into your miserable bed on Christmas Eve, you are haunted by ghosts of HRMs past, present and future, and eventually see the error of your sadly misguided ways.

About the author

Andrew Baird

Andrew is the CEO of HRville. He is also Employer Brand Director of Blackbridge Communications, Editorial Director of Professionals in Law and an associate of The Smarty Train. Previously, he was the MD of TCS Advertising.