Suits you
What does your fashion say about how you practice HR?Ah, fashion weeks! Endless source of sartorial amusement, as even the most sober newspapers devote a half-page to snaps of fashionistas freezing their top-knots off in Paris and Milan. You want a picture of a 17 year old blogger from Hong Kong sporting blue faux-fur thigh-high boots and a handbag made of cavity wall insulation? You got it.
It’s only too easy to mock, but the fact is that the way we choose to dress says a great deal about our character, even if it is quite unconscious. Dressing for work can add a whole other layer of sartorial semiotics, as we hover in front of the bathroom mirror wondering what the new Managing Director will make of our new pixie cut/slightly darker than usual lipstick/lavish new tie.
And so, with a view to helping you convey by the cut of your coat exactly what sort of HR professional you are, here is a spotter’s guide to the fashion tribes of the HR world, or: what your outfit says about you.
The Terminator
The Terminator is easily identified by a penchant for unnecessary sunglasses with which to obscure the deadly intent lurking behind. For it is a sad fact of the HR professional’s life there are times when, with the best will in the world, an employee must be terminated (or, at any rate, their contract).
Carrying out such a grim duty requires armour. A pally attitude helps no-one: the Terminator is merely carrying out their duty as a functionary of HR policies, and it is best to present an appearance of almost mechanical calm. Superbly cut suits (preferably in black), sharp shoes, and a certain indoor pallor are all distinguishing characteristics.
They are often to be found within the square mile, surviving on nothing but triple espresso. Most will own at least one Armani suit (no-one cuts the shoulder of a jacket with such terrifying sharpness).
The Party Planner
A popular tribe, the Party Planner is the life and soul of the establishment. Without for a moment disregarding the more sombre duties of HR, it’s on all matters social that they come into their own.
Of all the HR tribes, this is the one which is most egalitarian – but whether young, old, male or female, you will know them by their clothing. They cannot be distinguished by brand loyalty, or even by any particular sense of style – but you can spot them at fifty paces by jovial colours and disregard for ‘ordinary’ office wear. There’ll be perhaps a matching tie and pocket square for the older gentleman, or an ‘ironic’ mohair sweater for the women; mermaid-blue hair for girls fresh from their MA, and a bow tie for the boys.
But do not be deceived! Not for a moment would they dream of contravening the firm’s clothing policy. They’re fun to be around, but take their job very seriously.
Most frequently found in minor departments of the civil service, where their ability to rouse even the laziest staff member to join in with Sports Day is nothing short of miraculous.
The HR Hipster
Clustered around the London boroughs of Hackney and Islington, with key outposts in central Manchester and Birmingham, the HR hipster is one of the most distinctive of all the tribes.
Generally to be found working in social media start-ups, digital agencies and third sector groups, they pay such close attention to their attire that it’s a wonder they have time to fit in a full-time job.
With the HR Hipster, it’s more about what’s above the neck than below it. Clothing is likely to come from Rokit, Oxfam, or ASOS Marketplace, and will include 90s styles and the inevitable flannel shirt.
More importantly, the men will sport beards that reach halfway to the belt buckle, and a Don Draper-ish side parting (often smoothed with Brylcreem, or various other faux-vintage hair brands). The women will frequently be seen in black bowler hats. Rockabilly tattoos are essential – although occasionally concealed in deference to company policy.
Interestingly, the HR hipster is a versatile and surprising beast, and might at any moment whip on a pair of Ray Ban Aviators and join the Terminators, or kick up their heels (oxblood DMs or vintage Nike Air hi-tops) and suggest a themed Christmas party.
Totally Mexico!
The Regulator
Nothing pleases a certain kind of HR professional more than an encyclopaedic knowledge of regulation, legislation and acronyms. TUPE, BYOD, ACAS, BIS, AHRC, PIP – all are guaranteed to bring a certain vim and pep to their working day.
Clothing choices tend to reflect a sort of stylish regard for tradition and trustworthiness. Jaeger cashmere, Paul Smith shirts, Loake brogues and a Michael Kors watch are all likely to feature.
Popular with employees, the Regulator can be relied on to quote chapter and verse of the Staff Handbook, maintain an unflappable calm during even the most unfortunate appraisals, and always give you a lend of their Touche Éclat.
The BFF
We all know the HR BFF – the one that aims to be everyone’s best friend forever. It’s an effective tactic, so long as friendliness doesn’t interfere with occasionally unpleasant duties regarding improper completion of flexitime sheets.
The key sartorial code of the BFF is to be stylish, but approachable. Terrifying junior members of staff with expensive suits is not going to work, nor is alarming board members by turning up in head-to-toe vintage Westwood.
Boden and Hobbs are key choices for both men and women: natural fibres in muted but jaunty colours, and no sharp edges. “It’s all right”, the BFF seems to convey, smoothing their Whistles shirt in duck-egg blue: “You and I both know this leave policy is ridiculous, but we’ll muddle through it together.”
The Anxiety Attack
There’s no getting away from it: life as an HR professional is frequently not for the faint-hearted. Most will be only too familiar with the appraisal meeting that began happily enough, only to end with a bewilderingly furious employee yelling their head off and calling for the Union.
Alas for some, it all gets a bit much, and they begin to resemble a walking anxiety attack. And when the going gets tough, the British, at least, go shopping at Marks & Spencer or Debenhams, since where employees are unreliable and given to sudden fits of fury, a sensible suit will never let you down.
This tribe is hard to identify because it is often so hard to spot. Being inconspicuous is the order of the day. Not for these the high heel or the £250 brogue – it would only attract attention. Shades of grey* from shoe to collar are favoured, with midi skirts for the women and modest lapels for the men. On high days and holidays a pastel shirt may make an appearance, or one of those knotted silk cuff-links you get from Tie Rack.
But even the Anxiety Attack knows one end of the Data Protection Act from the other – just try not to raise your voice.
*Don’t pretend you’re not impressed I avoided mentioning it.
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