Snodgrass: 'Moonlighting'
'Dear Nigel, I have been working as a crime-fighter for a number of years, and really enjoy my job. One thing I can’t stand, however, is my outfit...'Dear Nigel,
I have been working as a reporter at the Daily Planet for a year now, and it’s time for my first formal performance review. The trouble is, the review coincides with an appointment at which the Mayor intends to give me a medal for services to the city (I often help out with some tricky crimes when not working for the paper.) Which appointment do you think I should prioritise?
Mr. C. Kent, Metropolis
Dear Mr. Kent,
Without doubt, it should be your performance review. The Daily Planet pays your wages: the Mayor does not. You will also probably find in your contract a clause that prohibits you from moonlighting to the detriment of your main employment. (The clause will be something like, ‘Second jobs are permissible only if the employee can continue to perform his or her normal work requirements within the scheduled workweek.’)
I’d also counsel against vigilante activities, if that’s what the moonlighting is – these easily result in injury or imprisonment, which might also jeopardise your contract.
If it’s work-life balance you’re after, I suggest something less strenuous, such as jigsaws, or bowls. I also know that my local am-dram group is always keen to recruit gentlemen who are not averse to wearing tights.
Dear Nigel,
I have been working as a crime-fighter for a number of years, and really enjoy my job. One thing I can’t stand, however, is my outfit. My employers (the ‘League’) insist that I conduct my duties wearing a tiara, a low-cut breastplate, culottes and satin tights. These are neither task-appropriate nor in agreement with my natural modesty. How do you suggest I confront the issue?
W. Woman, Washington DC
Dear Miss Woman,
Were I you, I would seek to make a reasoned case to your superior. Consider introducing an element of cost-benefit analysis: how much must it cost, for example, to replace snagged tights, wash those culottes and polish that tiara?
I would also suggest you share photographic examples of work-wear from comparable organisations. That peerless security organization, G4S, makes great use of dark trousers and short-sleeve shirts. The addition of a baseball cap – which might or might not be enhanced by a tiara-style insignia – could complete a fetching and distinctly fit-for-purpose uniform.
Good luck. In the meantime, perhaps you would like to send me some informal shots of you in your current uniform, as I feel such artwork would be a useful addition to my records.
Dear Nigel,
I have been working with an apprentice (let’s call him ‘Boy Wonder’) who is now an invaluable asset to the business, which mostly involves keeping the peace in the city during its darker hours. When would you suggest adding him to the payroll, and how might such a transfer best be implemented?
Mr. B. Man, Gotham
Dear Mr. Man,
If I were you, I would cease and desist any connection with this child forthwith. It seems that you are contravening the Labor Laws for Employment of Minors in terms of State Prohibited Occupations. Cut your losses and replace this ‘Boy Wonder’ with someone legal, possibly a returning mother or premature retiree.
If you’re a star, please forward your HR queries to Nigel at editorial@hrville.co.uk
About the author
