Just seventeen?

There are some days when The Villain feels old. Don’t we all?

But today that feeling has been intensified by the pictures of Lazio footballer Josef Minala, who despite the claims of his employer, looks pretty ‘advanced’ for his alleged 17 years.

There have been suggestions that Cameroon-born Minala could be as old as 41. Which, looking at the photos, doesn’t seem too much of a stretch. Unsurprisingly, he’s denied the allegations, and he has been joined by his employers, who have come out on the front foot to protect their investment and presumably limit potential reputational damage.

Minala’s agent has explained his client looks old for his age because “he’s had a hard life”. Ah, that old chestnut.

But it’s no surprise Lazio have acted swiftly to put these rumours to bed, since the case does raise questions about how thorough their recruitment policy is.

It’s hardly rare for football clubs to recruit the wrong person for the role. This is, of course, why the phrase “he couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo” exists. But the potential gap between Minala’s ‘age’ and how old he appears is faintly ridiculous. The fact he was apparently waved through by a procession of scouts, coaches, club doctors and directors suggests Lazio’s recruitment policy is a bit, well, relaxed.

If Lazio have forgotten to check Minala’s age, what other factors could have slipped through the net?

(I’m typing this wearing boots and shinpads on the way to the airport, by the way. It’s never too late for a career change.)

However, from a different angle let’s not forget that if this was happening in the UK, Minala would be on much safer ground. Age is a ‘protected characteristic’ under the Equality Act 2010, which means his employer would be in a whole heap of trouble if they were to get rid of him because he was too old for the job.

Scandals and scans

Ultimately, if Minala is capable of hoofing a ball around a pitch (which is frankly more ability than some players who’ve turned out for The Villain’s beloved team lately), then he’s entitled to the job.

Unfortunately for Minala, there’s a bit of history here. So-called ‘age fraud’ in international football has been going on for some time, and African footballing nations have a patchier record than most.

A famous anecdote involves the former Japan manager Phillippe Troussier, who, after seeing his under-17 team battered 9-0 by their Nigerian counterparts, said he’d seen a member of the opposition after the match, “getting into a taxi with his wife and two kids”.

Okay, he might have been exaggerating, but it’s easy to see what he was getting at.

In fact, the problem is so well-established that a formal test has been introduced by Football’s governing body, FIFA, in which young players are subjected to an MRI scan. The scan analyses growth in specific bones and can tell whether the player is over the age of 18.

If only the test could be extended to other factors. My workforce would be a lot more productive if I could give them a quick scan every morning to see if they were up to the job. Saying that, the place would probably be empty half the time.

Anyway, if it were up to The Villain, I wouldn’t bother with an expensive MRI scan. I’d just ask Minala whether he remembers eating Spangles while watching The A-Team on TV. If his eyes go misty with nostalgia, the game’s up.

About the author

The Villain

The Villain is not here to be nice.