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Monday 29th September 2014

Branson's pickle

Richard's made a brave claim about staff holidays at Virgin – but the reality isn't as generous as it appears

Consider the scenario:

“Morning boss. Everything okay?”

“Yes thanks – how was that three-month holiday you didn’t warn us about?”

“Lovely thanks, very refreshing.”

“Great. Welcome back. You’ll find all your work on your desk where you left off. Coffee?”

According to seemingly wall-to-wall news reports this week, conversations like the above could become standard in workplaces across the country if we follow the lead of revered business mogul and in-no-way-rampant-self-publicist Richard Branson, who has set out to pioneer a new approach to annual leave.

You see, this week Branson published a blog post about a new HR non-policy he’s introduced at his Virgin empire: unlimited annual leave. Yes, fluffy old Richard is suggesting his employees should be free to take as much annual leave as they like. He doesn’t even expect them to book the time off – they can just disappear if and when they like.

According to Beardy: “It is left to the employee alone to decide if and when he or she feels like taking a few hours a day, a week or a month off, the assumption being that they are only going to do it when they feel 100% comfortable that they and their team are up to date on every project and that their absence will not in any way damage the business – or, for that matter, their careers!”

Right. See the bit that says ‘100% comfortable’? There’s his get-out. Because no right-minded employee is going to continually disappear on lengthy holidays at the drop of a kiss-me-quick hat, regardless of what their employer says.

Taking ‘unlimited leave’ (and leaving your work undone for numerous long stretches) is the quickest way to render your role redundant. Is that Branson’s sneaky secret agenda? Is this a form of social engineering aimed at weeding out the slackers and non-essentials?

Possibly – and the fact this sub-angle seems plausible is the reason this will never take off.

But what’s this? Some small print? Among the dozens, possibly hundreds of poorly-researched articles on this ‘news’, The Villain found one which further undermines this brave new world somewhat.

Because Branson hasn’t opened up this scheme to every one of his 50,000 employees. Oh no – the privilege is open only to his 170 ‘personal staff’, which presumably includes people like his PA, hairdresser, yacht crew and whatever offspring he’s currently employing.

If you’re not on his ‘personal staff’ list, then it’s hard lines for you – you’re stuck with your 20-odd days and whatever sickies you can blag.

And that little, under-reported, clause only serves to underline what a load of self-congratulatory old b****** the whole thing was in the first place.

In case you forgot, Richard – we at HRville aren’t too fond of stunts.

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The Villain

The Villain is not here to be nice.