May contain nuts
How to bake the ideal HR cakeA couple of weeks ago we ran an article called ‘Pieces of Cake‘ that proved incredibly popular. (The launch of the new series of ‘Bake Off’ probably had something to do with that.) So this week, we’ve put our thinking caps/chef’s hats on again and asked, Which cake is most representative of HR?
Peter Cheesecake? Staff Turnover? Sackertorte? Nope. None of these puns. (Punettone?) Instead, we’re nominating Apple Sour Cream Cake as the one that reflects the profession the best.
To discover why, and to learn how to make it via a succession of increasing tortuous yet ultimately successful analogies, keep reading.
Once again: on your marks, get set, bake!
What you’ll need
113 grams of softened butter (1/2 a cup)
1 cup of sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon of vanilla
2 cups of plain flour
1 teaspoon of baking powder
1 teaspoon of baking soda
1⁄4 teaspoon of salt
1 carton of sour cream (300ml)
2 cups of chopped apples
For the nut topping
½ cup of chopped nuts (we used almonds)
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
½ cup of brown sugar
2 teaspoons of melted butter
Method
1. Preheat your oven to 170°C (160° if it’s fan-assisted).
2. Take your softened butter. (Ideally, you’ll have left it waiting on the kitchen top for an hour to soften up, much as you might leave the subject of a disciplinary waiting.) Cream the butter and sugar together. Stir until the mixture is as light and fluffy as the head of that girl who claims to be an ‘Account Manager’ at your temp agency. Use a wooden spoon, or be flash like us and use a KitchenAid.
3. Add the eggs and vanilla, and beat well. Give it some gyp. Imagine the face of your Head of Finance in the mixture. Go on, really punish him. The vanilla represents HR as function, because whilst it’s widely available it’s also precious and complex. The eggs represent HR people because they’re easy to break and often get scrambled at weekends.
4. Sift together the flour, salt, bicarbonate of soda and baking powder. Without these last two ingredients, the finished cake is likely to be as flat as a Christmas party after the D&I people have taken the alcohol away.
5. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the first mixture, alternating spoonfuls with your carton of sour cream. Dry – sour – dry – sour – dry – sour. Just like the comments your boss makes when she’s drinking in her office again.
6. Chop the apples and stir them in. Apples, like HR, are a symbol of knowledge. Apple will make this cake robust. But it’ll also be flexible because of the sour cream. See? Told you this analogy thing would work, right?
7. Spread the batter evenly in a greased (and preferably lined) pan. (Ours was 24cm square, and about 5cm deep.) That’s greased as in lightly coated. Not full-on greasy like that consultant who often has a band of light skin on his finger where his wedding ring should be.
8. Mix together ingredients for nut topping. Much as a good HR department is a diverse assortment of nuts, so is this marvellous cake. Sprinkle over the topping batter you’ve previously dolloped into your baking pan. You can even write the letters ‘HR’ on it with almonds, if you’re soft like we are.
9. Lob it in the oven for about 35-40 minutes. This is your chance to clear up the mess. You know, like you do every working day, the only difference being that this time the mess is your own.
10. When it’s done, enjoy scoffing. Not only is the cake delicious in itself, but it’s also like eating an idealised version of HR. No tiers – but a good structure. Robust – but flexible at the same time. Diverse – and just the right amount of superficial gloss to make it look appealing to cynics. Bon appetit, and well done: you’re this week’s Star Baker!
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