Snodgrass: 'Nine to five'

Dear Nigel,

It’s been a hard day’s night, and I’ve been working like a dog. What are my options?

J. Lennon, Liverpool

Dear Mr. Lennon,

Article 9 of the EU Working Hours Directive entitles you, and anyone requested to work at night, a free health assessment, which you should claim. You should also remind your employer that you must work no more than an average of eight hours per night (calculated over a 17-week period). Does working like a dog necessitate continuous fetching? If so, remember that employers in the UK are legally obliged to prevent incidents of repetitive strain injury where reasonably possible courtesy of the Safety Act of 1974 and the Safety at Work Regulations, 1999.

Dear Nigel,

I’m working nine to five – what a way to make a living! They just use my mind, and never give me credit. It’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it. Any suggestions?

Miss D. Parton, Nashville

Dear Miss Parton,

Check your contract for a clause on IP assignation. If your employer has included a clause that states you surrender all ownership of ideas and work generated whilst on their books, you’ll find it hard to argue your case. Many employers will negotiate exceptions in mutually advantageous circumstances, of course.

Dear Nigel,

We’ve gotta install microwave ovens, and deliver custom kitchens. We’ve gotta move refrigerators, and colour TVs. We’d dearly like an easier role in which we get money for nothing and chicks for free. Can you help?

Mr. M. Knopfler, Newcastle

Dear Mr. Knopfler,

I am not aware of any ‘careers’ in which employees are remunerated for no effort whatsoever. Indeed, it is worth remembering that the psychological contract between employer and employee is inherently dependent on mutual benefit: the individual must deliver value in order to be ‘valued’ in return in the form of wages or (at a higher, ‘white-collar’ level) salary.

In terms of ‘free’ chickens, however, I have better news. If you work for KFC you will be entitled to a gratis meal every day you work, as part of their extensive ‘Pick ‘n’ Mix’ staff benefits platform.

 If you’re a star, please forward your HR queries to Nigel at editorial@hrville.co.uk

About the author

Nigel Snodgrass

Nigel has worked in Personnel for as long as he can remember. His favourite activities include time and motion studies, deliberating over the niceties of employment law, and not using the internet. When recruiting, he only accepts CVs by fax or post, and even then will bin any delivered in an envelope mailed with a second-class stamp.