What in the world?

Last week, we brought you some useful pointers about how to keep your team on side during the World Cup, based on guidelines issued by Acas. At this point in your pre-tournament preparations, you’re likely to have your big screens in place, your annual leave requests approved and any flexible working arrangements agreed. At the very least, you’ll have launched the office World Cup sweepstake.

So now it’s time for the most important part of this two-part blog – our exciting* ‘Which World Cup team are you?’ quiz. How it works is very simple: read the questions, make a note of your answers, and then all will be revealed.

NB: There is absolutely no science behind this quiz and if you don’t like the football team we say your team seems to bear the most resemblance to, we suggest going back round again and changing a few answers until you get to be Brazil. And if you could be one of two or three teams, simply choose the one that you like the best. You can’t lose (unlike your Costa Rica/Iran/Australia/Honduras office sweepstake ticket).

*OK, so it’s not exactly a penalty shoot-out – that is, not unless you’ve been absolutely desperate to get a slightly random answer to the question ‘Which World Cup team are you?’ In which case, take a deep breath, calm your nerves and prepare to discover your fate.

Managing expectations

Your team is unpredictable, sometimes excelling and sometimes performing with all the anti-climax of Britney with her auto-tune turned off. That means that the only expectations of success tend to come from within. (A)

Expectations of your team are typically very high, but you tend to be at your best when there are no expectations at all. (Of course, as the performance-related bonus budget holder, you’re secretly willing your team to do as badly as possible.) (B)

Like Co-op dividends, your team’s been a bit up and down of late. But your track record means people never write you off too quickly. (C)

There are always very high expectations where your team’s concerned. And more often than not, you don’t just meet those expectations, you smash them up into tiny little pieces and rearrange them into the shape of a glittering laurel wreath. (D)

Your most ardent supporters aside, no one really expects too much of your team. Even small achievements are likely to exceed the expectations of almost everyone else. (E)

Handling pressure

A real weakness for you. When your key players are put on the spot and everything is at stake, they melt like butter in a microwave. Hours and hours of training haven’t really helped matters. (B)

You’re known for a cheerful, laid back approach, so this is arguably one of your strengths. When the pressure mounts, it doesn’t tend to faze you. (A)

With expectations even lower than Lib Dem poll ratings, you’re unlikely to face too much pressure. Having said that, you’d love to achieve some level of greatness. (E)

You know how to raise your game for the big occasions. Like a barometer, it’s often the case that the more pressure you face, the better you perform. (C)

You do not fear pressure – you slice it up, toast it and gulp it down for breakfast. This year, the heat is going to be on for you more than ever, but so far you’ve been going from strength to strength. (D)

Sharing the load

Unlike Take That, your team is full of equal talents. It won’t be dominated by one or two star performers. Your manager has instilled a strong spirit, too. (D)

Your team is relatively new with lots of more junior members, but you have a few veterans in there to guide them. Your strategy centres on collaboration rather than putting one or two key players at the fore.  (E)

Like Take That, things aren’t always as harmonious as they could be. Some of your star performers have questioned whether the rest of the team are really behind them. Infighting can be an issue for you. (A)

No one can question your solidarity. Your team stands side-by-side through thick and thin, and they’re not afraid to show their support for each other in some attention-grabbing ways. If you have a team bus, champagne may well get splurged off the top of it. (C)

In the past, you’ve relied too heavily on certain key players but these days there’s more of a level playing field. Teamwork might make the dream work, as we say in HR. (B)

Discipline

You’ve had your moments in the past, but you tend to be organised and any disciplinary issues are only likely to come when the pressure is significantly ramped up. However, the current head honcho has laid down some strict rules about bringing other halves along to work events, which could cause a little unrest. (B)

There have been a few issues, and you’re not the kind of team that likes to stand back. As Santa probably said when Rudolph and the gang had had too many sherries, reining this team in isn’t easy. (A)

Some of the highest profile, most senior members of your team have struggled to control their tempers in years gone by. However, things seem to be a bit more settled these days. (C)

You’re in the hands of a manager who knows how to get what he wants and who has instilled a strong sense of discipline. A bit like Bridget the Midget out of Grange Hill. (D)

With so many new and relatively inexperienced people in your team, discipline could possibly be an issue for you. (Think Zayn out of One Direction leaving Peru.) But it’s too soon to say how things will play out when you’re in the spotlight. (E)

Stability

Some of your most experienced performers have given way to some less tried and tested players, so this is a relatively new team. But your manager says this strategy is about longevity, which bodes well for the future. (E)

There are a few old hands, but like the Royal Family, essentially the core team is made up of newcomers who have yet to really prove themselves. (B)

You’ve had a few changes at the top, but now your future’s back in the hands of a favourite who has the utmost confidence in the team’s talent. Now would be a good time to start building your leadership pipeline, as an influx of job offers could turn your top man’s head in the not-too-distant future. (D)

After a particularly rough patch, there was a big clear out at the top of the organisation and the new boss is focused on creating a spirit of unity and collaboration. (C)

You have a changing workforce, with a few stalwarts who tend to keep everything held together. Much like The Beach Boys or The Fall, really. (A)

The results

If your team was a World Cup football team, it would be…

Mostly As: Cameroon

This will be Cameroon’s seventh appearance at the World Cup, an African record, so they must be doing something right. Like Cameroon, your team is driven, determined and keen to make its mark – and make history. You have a few issues with a changing workforce and infighting, but that’s nothing that a bit of unexpected glory won’t fix.

Based on the odds, you could also be Nigeria, USA or South Korea – you’re almost rank-outsiders, but not quite

Mostly Bs: England

You may have peaked a long time ago, but this is a consistent team that tends to go quite far on the big occasions. One of your biggest problems has been managing expectations, but with no one really predicting amazing things for you at the moment, this could be your year to shine. Having said that, a few good performances could lead to mounting expectations, and slipping standards…

Based on the odds, you could also be Uruguay, The Netherlands or Columbia – world domination is a possibility, but it’s not looking likely

Mostly Cs: France

Consistency isn’t your team’s strong point, and you have a tendency to go about things the hard way. But as well as a few disasters, you’ve also got some great successes under your belt. The new(ish) boss is determined to create a spirit of collaboration – even recruiting people based on how well they’ll fit into the team rather than on their individual talents – and there’s usually a sense of drama and excitement when you get your heads down.

Based on the odds, you could also be Portugal, Italy or Belgium – no one would bet against you, but you’re definitely not a dead cert for glory

Mostly Ds: Brazil

You’re truly a force to be reckoned with, and whilst you’re not totally invincible, few of your competitors would ever bet against you. That’s partly because of your exceptional track record – you really do excel at what you do. And partly because you almost always seem to shine on the big occasions. You’re slick, swift and often sublime. Even your closest rivals can’t help but stand back in admiration.

Based on the odds, you could also be Argentina, Germany or Spain – if you’re not still in the mix at the business end of things, it will be a big, big surprise

Mostly Es: Australia

Considering that you’re often seen as an underdog, you’re doing pretty well. You also expect a lot from yourselves and you’d love to prove your detractors wrong. Your greatest strength is arguably your dogged determination and competitive spirit, but on its own that’s unlikely to take you too much further this year.

Based on the odds, you could also be Costa Rica, Iran, Algeria or Honduras – it’s highly probable that you’ve progressed as far as you’re going to this time

About the author

Sarah Cure

After starting out as a reporter on a local paper, Sarah has worked as a copywriter in recruitment marketing for most of the last 14 years – with a few stints in internal communications and PR too.