HR vs... rock stars
Which is the better career – HR or global plank-spanking?Ah, the elusive ‘cool’ job. Many a teenager with a spot of musical talent has daydreamed of their rock and roll career. The money. The fame. The legions of [insert preferred gender] desperate to get into your pants, or at least take your pants to sell on eBay.
Sure a lifetime of touring, drugs and heavy drinking may prematurely cause your face to crumple in on itself, but at least you lived right? Live fast, die at a reasonable age. It’s not quite as catchy, but it has an appeal of its own.
Time for the battle of the bands…
Appreciation
HR has an image problem. People don’t say nice things too often, and they certainly don’t lift up any lighters when you get up to make an announcement. Unless somebody has built a pyre.
Rock stars in comparison can have millions of fans, and draw hundreds of thousands to concerts. They aren’t even there to boo at them. Not usually, anyway.
It’s a sad situation where nobody knows the value of appreciation better than HR, but HR themselves rarely get appreciated. No worries when you’re a rock star, because you can soundproof your house with fifty pound notes and getting people riled up is all just part of your image, man.
If you cared about what people thought of you, you wouldn’t be sticking it to the man and eating bat heads on a stage.
HR 0 Rock Stars 1
Psychosis
You don’t have to be mad to work here, but it helps. It says so right here on this mug, but let’s be honest — by mad, we’re talking quirky enough to reconcile drinking full-skim milk while also having a freezer full of full-fat ice cream. Not swinging from the light fittings.
All work requires a little spritz of doublethink, a bit of prophylactic eccentricity to stop you going regular bonkers from red tape/co-workers/lack of sleep.
But rock stars have it a little bit tougher, and are practically encouraged to go down the rabbit hole for our entertainment. You start off earnest and playing for coppers in a dive bar, but soon you’re demanding bowls of peanut M&Ms with the peanuts removed delivered to your dressing room, and to arrive at your concerts riding animatronic manatees.
Living life to excess, and keeping up your image (plus a little help from some mind-addling friends), may mean you end up taking leave of your sanity quite early in life.
Eventually you say one too many ridiculous things in public and you’re forced to live out your existence at your country estate, with only your vast collection of Mussolini memorabilia for company after you estrange your family and friends.
HR 1 Rock Stars 1
See the World
For most HR pros, the occasional conference or long-distance call is about the extent of their work related travel. And private jets are definitely not on the cards. Rather than large generic exhibition centres, they should start hosting HR talks on tropical beaches, or at least in some nice picturesque ruins.
Popular rock stars (and even smaller bands) can find themselves touring all over the world, so they get to tick that bucket list “Travel the world” box, even if most of it is seen through bleary hungover eyes.
Hard not to be jealous of a lifestyle that visits dozens of countries, even if they’re doomed to not remember most of them.
HR 1 Rock Stars 2
Relationships
Calm, emotionally intelligent, conciliatory — three adjectives not commonly applied to rock stars. In comparison, HR pros usually manage a large network of friends and understand how to maintain friendships well.
Unfortunately, the odds are stacked against you as a rock star, as you are already doomed to having a toxic band collapse at an indeterminate point during your career, usually because the drummer demands to write the next album. Plus, you don’t know whether your friends are just with you to free ride on your lifestyle and for your money.
Your only consolation could be your three Ferraris and private yacht. And as we all know, true happiness comes from friendship. Although we would probably trade our friends for an HRville yacht.
HR 2 Rock Stars 2
Worrying
HR could be categorised as a career for professional worrying. Somebody has to sweat the little stuff, and usually that’s HR. That can make it a bit more stressful than some other jobs in business, because there are a hundred different things to keep track of, while also exercising your ability to herd cats.
However, for rock stars, worrying is for managers and other miscellaneous flunkies to do. You’re usually guided gently onto stage to do your music thing, and that’s where your job ends. You have one thing to do, and so long as you can do it well, that’s all well and dandy. Since you have a 1% chance (maybe) of living past the age of 27 anyway, worrying just seems a little unnecessary.
So when it comes to relaxing and being stress-free, rocking out takes the crown.
HR 2 Rock Stars 3
A close contest, but rock star narrowly steals the show. After all, they don’t say that the marks of an exciting life are sex, drugs and HR. Of course, however, the potential for an HR rock band is still untapped. An open niche, we think.
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