Superhuman resources
If you had the power, what would you do?Superpowers. We’ve always been fascinated by them. We definitely can’t get enough films about them. Lots of people wonder what it’d be like to fly, or to be invisible.
To that we say: pah. Have you people never taken a plane? Or heard of camouflage?
Frankly, these kinds of superpowers are useless boondoggles. You’ll probably end up as some weird freak show exhibit or harassed for life by the media. What you want is a superpower that’s actually useful in your life.
With that in mind, we asked some leading HR pros to ponder what kind of superpower would most help them in their work.
Paul Powell of Home Retail Group:
My superpower would be along the lines of a Worzel Gummidge character: several heads with unique attributes suited to a particular occasion or endowed with a specific skill. I often find that I have to be all things to everyone, and this would save a lot of hassle.
Martyn Dicker of Children’s Investment Fund Foundation:
If I had an HR superpower, it would be an ability to read minds, so less time could be spent skirting around the issue. Perhaps invisibility – of course this wouldn’t be to hide from the dramas that get presented to HR, but to observe behaviour unseen. And the power of levitation, as HR needs to move up from gritty detail to big picture in milliseconds!
Chris Roebuck, Visiting Professor of Transformational Leadership, Cass Business School:
The ability to read minds to really see how others see HR and understand what they really want from HR.
Jill Leonard, Group Head of Resourcing:
It would have to be Wonder Woman’s Rope of Truth. I would so hang that gold rope from my belt to use in interviews to ‘out’ all those blaggers.
Filip Vanderheyden, HRD of SBM Offshore:
Unstoppable momentum – becoming impossible to stop once moving.
And our new columnist, Eugenio Pirri of Dorchester Collection:
I am always spending time with current and potential employees who I see have amazing potential for the future, but they don’t see it themselves — especially when I am trying to convince them to try something new, learn something new or do something completely different. I see that potential in them and I would love to have the power to show them they can do it… it would alleviate some fear but also give them the motivation to go for it.
All well and good. We’ve also done some thinking in the office too, and compiled a few of our own:
1) The power to make people just shut up
Self-explanatory. Not HR specific, but relevant. We’re thinking that traumatic scene in The Matrix where Keanu Reeves’s mouth closes up. It’s a lot harder to sass or complain without a mouth.
2) The power to be everywhere at once
For example, the ability to duplicate yourself. Be many times more productive, never miss a deadline or have to choose between the evening recruitment event and the gig you really, really want to go to. And you can always be the one copy sitting on a beach in the Bahamas.
3) Telekinesis over biscuits
The idea has pedigree, and for good reason. Imagine the potential — hands-free biscuit dipping, and an iron grip on all intra-office biscuit movements. Not a single chocolate hobnob will be pinched without your knowledge.
4) The power to see the future
Trouble with talent pipelines? Prospective hires turn out to be sociopathic slackers? Well, no longer.
Rather than wasting your time reading the lottery numbers in advance or betting your life savings on the Rugby World Cup results (New Zealand wins, spoiler), you can fine-tune yourself to become the best damn HR pro around.
Maybe do the lottery thing once though. Just in case.
5) Power of persuasion
One part of the problem with being able to tell the future, however, is getting people to listen. Let’s be honest, you’re already right about most things – the real roadblock comes when convincing other people to see it.
‘Double the HR budget? Hmm, yes I see your point. Also I like your suggestion of mandatory massage chairs to replace the swivel chairs. Approved.’
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