The HRville guide to...

Let’s face it, nobody really likes talking to their boss. We all do it, but only out of necessity.

We do the faux-cheery morning hello, the faked interest in their weekend plans, but we don’t mean any of it, and we certainly don’t enjoy it.

But this polite-yet-perfunctory interaction seems a veritable laugh-riot when you compare it to having a disagreement with your manager.

We’ve all experienced it – a difference of opinion; sometimes a minor one, at other times a huge unavoidable monstrosity. As is the nature of the workplace, disagreements can arise over day-to-day matters such as lunch breaks or shift patterns, but can also include significant longer-term issues such as pay, development and progression.

They’re incredibly tricky. The working relationship between you and your boss means you can’t treat the disagreement like any other.

So how do you handle it?

Get your evidence together

Assuming the disagreement is based on an aspect of your role or your working relationship with your manager, it should be easy for you to use facts and data to support your point.

Frankly, if you don’t have any facts to back you up, that probably means your viewpoint is based on little more than your opinion, which is hardly a sound foundation for a stand-off with your boss. If this is the case it might be best to swallow your pride, let this one go and resume your working relationship as best you can.

However, if you do have facts to point to, use these judiciously – but politely (which brings us on to the next point).

Respect the professional relationship

It doesn’t matter if you think your boss is an idiot (whether that’s all the time or just in this instance); unfortunately you can’t make it obvious. And that’s especially true when you’re attempting to resolve a difference of opinion.

Ultimately, there’s still a hierarchy at play and you need to behave accordingly regardless of how passionately you feel. As difficult as it might seem, be respectful and approach the conversation appropriately for somebody dealing with their manager.

Plan ahead

There’s no point having a discussion unless you know what you want the outcomes to be. If your disagreement is based on transactional, day-to-day aspects – for example you want a pay rise or you want to work from home more – decide in advance what you want to end up with. This will help you to state your case and to build a compelling argument.

Put some notes down on paper if necessary – these bits of information will help you to form a plan for where you want to take the discussion.

Don’t be shy

While you need to maintain a degree of professional respect, don’t let that stop you from being assertive – if you have a point to put across, don’t let the situation stop you from doing so.

You’ll be taking part in this conversation for a reason – remember that reason and use it as motivation. The conversation might take detours and avenues you weren’t expecting – this is where your plan comes in, to get you back on track and ideally towards the goal you were hoping for.

Keep your cool

Disagreements can be highly emotive, particularly when you feel a key aspect of your work is under scrutiny.

Don’t let your emotions get the better of you – allowing yourself to get overheated will undermine your argument and could lead to serious repercussions. Instead of walking away with your preferred outcome you might instead find yourself name-checked in a particularly juicy tribunal report.

We might have all dreamed of a scenario where we cut down a manager with a deft profanity before swanning out of the room, but it’s hard to point to anybody who’s done that successfully outside a Hollywood movie.

If necessary, ask to take a breather and regain your composure, after which you’ll be in a much better position to continue.

This Acas guide, although aimed at line managers, offers some helpful tips on how to handle a difficult conversation.

Don’t play your hand too eagerly

One of the most important skills in any workplace is the ability to make your boss think they’re right even though they clearly aren’t. Some people build entire careers on that premise (US new-age ‘guru’ Deepak Chopra mentions it in this article that you might find useful), and this skill is particularly useful when you’re in the midst of a disagreement.

While it might be tempting to go in all-guns-blazing as you try to storm to a speedy victory, it pays to play it altogether more diplomatically. Listen to their points, remain quiet and give the impression you agree with them (although it’s highly likely you don’t) and lull them into lowering their defences, at which point you can put your own point across.

Be prepared to compromise

In any disagreement, both parties will be convinced they’re right – that’s why you’ve reached this point in the first place. But consider the fact that there are shades of grey in the argument, and that you might both be partly right. If this is the case, a compromise is probably the best outcome.

By agreeing to compromise you might even show a side that your boss wasn’t expecting. The ability to accept others’ views and reach an agreement is one that will go a long way in the office.

About the author

John Eccleston

John is a writer and editor who has written about HR and recruitment, among other topics, for as long as he can remember. If he's not at his keyboard, you'll probably find him in the kitchen, at a pub quiz, or buying more trainers.